We’ve all heard the saying, ‘mind over matter’ which implies that our minds are able to conquer any fears that we may have. A lot of doctors say that many illnesses, both physical and emotional, can be overcome this way. Apparently the secret is to trick your mind into thinking something isn’t as bad as it seems in your head. This is mind over matter.

But the mind can also work the other way round. Often your mind can make something out to be worse than it actually is. But in reality things may be worse in your head than they actually are.

How many of you have got worked up about something in your head?

For example, a lot of people have a fear about going to see a doctor. The fear could be the actual examination or the results that follow. Blood tests are a big one because a lot of people have an aversion to needles and I have to admit that I am one of them. A couple of years ago I decided to have a blood test to check that all was ok generally. Right in the middle of him drawing the blood I said, ‘Oh that hurts’. The doctor looked at me and said, ‘I haven’t even started yet’ but I swear I felt something. That is how worked up my mind got me.

A lot of people are also afraid of the dentist. I think it’s the sound of the drilling. I have to admit that, depending upon the procedure being performed, going to the dentist can be as uncomfortable as it seems in your head. For example, when they repeatedly hit your nerves during the cleaning process, it is actually painful.

Our minds also affect our emotions and how, when or if we decide to do something that we think is uncomfortable for us or another person.

For example, may people think it would be a disaster for them if they admitted that they were wrong. But when they do, they realise it wasn’t all that bad and admitting it actually made them feel better and it improved their relationship. The same goes for apologising. The fear in this case is, not knowing how the other person is going to react to your apology. Are they going to make you feel worse by not accepting it and then giving you a dressing down? Or are they going to graciously accept it?

Sometimes there’s a fear about telling people about a truth they won’t want to hear. It could be that they are addicted to something and need help. It could be that they have anger issues or that they are suffering from clinical depression and need help. It could be telling someone they need to lose weight or that they smell!

Assertive is very important. But it’s too hard for some people to say no to someone. That is why they end up agreeing to do a lot of things they didn’t want to do. They are afraid of what others might think of them if they were to say no. But saying no, or telling someone how offended you are by their comment or by what they say to you, is very important because maybe, just maybe, the other person doesn’t realise they are doing it and might appreciate your feedback. It’s just a question of how you assert yourself. Clearly there is a right way and a wrong way.

Now this next one I used to be guilty of at university. Often if my best friend was away I wouldn’t go into the university canteen on my own. It galls many people to have to eat alone in public places. From experience the discomfort one feels might comes from the notion that people might stare and whisper about them eating alone. Later in years I discovered that nobody cares if you are eating alone because they have their one lives to lead and don’t care what you’re doing.

This one is not just in the mind. It’s not a fear but it’s very definitely something that makes many single people uncomfortable not because they are single but because in many cultures it’s a stigma. But to all those single people out there, it’s not a big deal and, quite frankly, nobody’s business but yours. Likewise, for being married and not having children. Again, not a big deal and again no one’s business but yours.

Now certain food groups can be underrated because of a preconceived idea in your mind which is usually based on second-hand experiences. For kids, eating their greens is a huge problem as are Brussels sprouts and broccoli. Okay I will give you spinach in that it’s a bit of a grey area and you do have to do a lot to it to mask its taste. But how can anyone like marmite and not Brussels sprouts? I’ve never tried marmite on toast or Bovril as a hot drink. I understand they both taste ‘beefy’ which to me sounds a bit icky but, then again, that could all be in my mind.