Valuable lesson

Why isn’t he texting back? Maybe I’ve done something to upset him. Thoughts like this take over and I can’t stop obsessing about him.

If you find yourself overanalysing every interaction and put him on a pedestal, you may be experiencing limerence. Here is a checklist to see if it applies to you:

*The majority of your time is spent imagining future scenarios or replaying past interactions.

* Your self-worth and mood depend heavily on how close you feel to him.

* Uncertainty about his feelings intensifies your preoccupation, while his attention brings euphoria or relief.

* The intense connection you feel may be a product of your imagination, not a shared reality.

A person may fall into the trap of limerence due to low self-esteem or an insecure attachment style. They may have learned in childhood that love is conditional, leading them to chase love in adulthood. To break this cycle, acknowledge how he actually treats you. Do I feel at peace when I’m with him? Do I feel cared for and loved? Does he reciprocate my efforts? Ask yourself these questions and learn to trust your judgement and intuition.

Simultaneously, develop a sense of self. Identify your values, boundaries, likes and dislikes, and the person you want to become. When your life lacks purpose, romantic obsession can fill that void. Stop making another person the centre of your life; learn to validate yourself rather than constantly seeking validation from others.

Zona Naz Bibi
Karachi, Pakistan