‘I have learned that you can run from grief but it will get you’

When Ryan Riley opened a letter from the Cabinet Office last month, his elation about being awarded a British Empire Medal in the King’s new year honours list was tempered by the instruction not to tell anyone. “That was the hardest part,” says Ryan. The one person he couldn’t keep it from though was his father, Shaun. “I told him ‘this crazy thing has happened...’ He said, ‘it’s about time.’ Dad is my biggest fan, but I only believed it was happening when they invited me to the Cabinet office and for a private tour of Downing Street on 29 December.”

Chef Ryan was being honoured for his work at Life Kitchen, the not-for-profit cookery school helping cancer patients rediscover the joy of food, set up by Riley and his best friend, Kimberley Duke, in 2019. Despite being endorsed by three different prime ministers — including a Point of Light award from Theresa May and Boris Johnson saying that Riley had inspired him to start cooking — it was his first time at Downing Street, and he’s still buzzing from the experience. “It felt like the highest honour that could be awarded to two disadvantaged kids like us who are from a council estate,” says Riley, 32, who grew up in Sunderland and has been best friends with Duke since nursery.

Life Kitchen was inspired by his mother, Krista, who was diagnosed with lung cancer when he was 18, and subsequently died, and who experienced a loss of taste and appetite as a side-effect of chemotherapy. Duke’s mother also died of cancer when she was 15, meaning that Duke had to move into a hostel. “Life Kitchen was my idea, but Kimberley and I did it together,” says Riley. “We have been doing projects together since we were 10, and when we get together, sparks fly. Without her, I would be so screwed. We are best friends until the ends of the earth.”

Theresa May

From the start, it was important that the Life Kitchen classes were free and that they took place at high-end venues. “It has always been a luxury experience. When my mum was ill, I remember going to community centres for activities, and the intention was lovely, but if these are your last months, do you want to be in a community hall? Or do you want to experience things that you might never get to, like being at the River Cottage or Daylesford? We wanted to create something based purely on enjoyment, which was about helping people enjoy food again — and enjoy life.”

They published several cookbooks, including the bestselling Life Kitchen and Small Pleasures and quickly accumulated an A-list following, including Nigella Lawson, who lost her first husband, John Diamond, to cancer, as well as Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall, Jamie Oliver and Sue Perkins. “Kimberley and I have a made-up phrase which is ‘naivity is achievity’,” he says “We wouldn’t have done the things we have done if we had known what it would take, but when we emailed people asking for help, their responses were overwhelmingly positive.

“Lady Bamford, who is one of the richest people in the UK, couldn’t have been more warm-hearted and generous. We didn’t pay a penny for the first four or five classes because of the continued generosity from them and smaller independent companies, which has allowed us to help about 100,000 people worldwide through books and classes.”

It has not all been plain sailing, however. Being embedded in the world of cancer has taken an emotional toll and Riley has experienced many losses. By the age of 30, he had attended 50 funerals. “We didn’t realise that when you work around cancer patients, you are going to face a lot of death.” They also both struggle with the fact that their success is directly linked to the deaths of their mothers. “It is extraordinary to have the level of recognition, but the fact that it only came about because our mothers died means that pain comes alongside success again and again and again,” he says.