It’s not the problem but how you react to it

I swear the stress I’m under is one day going to kill me, says almost everyone under stress. But there’s stress and then there’s stress. Some people think they’re under stress but really they just have a lot of things to do. A lot of people think that this is what causes stress in their lives but they are wrong. You see, not all stress is created equal. Some stresses are very bad for you and then there are others that can act as motivators.

Several years ago I got into a lift at the same time as my then boss. He asked how things were going and was I overly stressed about the project. I told him things had their challenges but the stress was a good stress. There are stresses that give your life meaning and purpose, and satisfaction when you reach your goal. These are good stresses. They’re not going to hurt you. They’re going to elevate your sense of achievement.

Then there are stresses that will actually do a lot of harm, not just to your body but to your mind too. Stress is often caused by unpleasant events that keep rearing their ugly head every time you attempt to do something, or the same thing again. You might say, why not do that something differently because, if you did, the ugly head might not appear? But what if you can’t do things differently? There are some things that can’t be changed unless drastic measures are taken and sometimes you can’t take those drastic measures. I suppose, therefore, the key is to manage that problem as best you can by managing, not the problem but how you react to it. If the problem doesn’t improve you should improve your mindset on how it’s going to cope with it the next time it happens.

Some say, take deep breaths. Others say, power through it because your goal should be to maintain composure whilst at the same time do whatever you need to do to get things done. And some say walk away for a while; take a break. Taking deep breaths doesn’t always work; it doesn’t even calm your heart palpitations. And you end up powering through things anyway, after expressing your frustration in whatever way you can.

Walking away is a different matter. You can walk away for an hour or two or even take a couple of weeks’ break away from whatever you need to do. But what does that really achieve? You might be able to switch off from the problem and enjoy the moment. But this depends on the problem. For instance, this ‘walking away’ works really well if you’ve had a tussle with someone or have a difference in opinion with them. A break away for the both of you might work wonders. At the end of the break either you both end up with the same mindset or see each other’s point of view and come to a compromise.

But there are some issues that may not resolve no matter how long you’re away from them. Consequently, you might spend the whole time you’re on your break repeatedly turning over the problem in your head and making yourself more agitated even when you’re temporarily not encountering it. And there are problems like that. This is not something I’m making up just to make a point.

I make painting tutorials for my YouTube channel. Every time I try to record a video the one difficulty I encounter is not having anywhere to store my art supplies and nowhere to record in comfort. Every time I need to record (which is now twice a week) the same problem of rummaging around in bags looking for the simplest item and setting up a folding table and setting up and taking down everything comes up. It’s frustrating and so upsetting it often results in me not producing my best work and not sounding like I’m enthusiastic about my painting. This is something that I cannot change and people have told me to take a break to which I ask, ‘how exactly would that solve the problem?’ and they concede, it does not.