'Sorry' doesn't just mean regret

It would appear that the British apologise about a hundred times a day. Okay, perhaps not a hundred times a day but at least 10 to 15 times a day. It would also appear that often they apologise for no reason at all. Sometimes they might even start off a sentence with the word, ‘sorry’, again for no reason. I grew up in London and have to admit that saying sorry, even when not needed, is almost like a reflex and you can’t help it. Is it only a British trait? I don’t know but I also find myself saying sorry unnecessarily. Studies suggest British people will apologise for coughing, sneezing and even when someone accidentally steps on their foot, something that wasn’t even their fault.

Sorry has become a strange word in that it ends up being the prefix to a lot of sentences. For example, when I used to call potential employers on the phone, the first thing I often found myself saying to them was either, ‘sorry to bother you’ or ‘sorry to disturb you’ which often prompted them to say “it’s okay”, very unenthusiastically, and then I’d launch into my pitch. Most people who are not positive minded might have thought of that as being excessively polite whereas those inclined to negativity might have thought me weak and unsure of myself.

Sorry is indeed a strange word. I mean we all know what it means. It means being truly regretful about something that you might have done or said to someone. But its overuse is beginning to make it lose its real meaning. For example, it’s always used when we unintentionally bump into, or brush by, someone. We automatically say ‘oh sorry’ even when we’re in a hurry. But it doesn’t mean that we are truly regretful. In this instance, “I’m sorry” is merely said to show someone that you acknowledge what just happened and you’re not rude.

But surveys show that sometimes it’s easier to say sorry than at other times. Some folk find it easier to say sorry or apologise over small things, like forgetting to pick up milk or to call someone. But it’s harder when big incidences are involved, like a major falling out with a close friend or relative. That being said, between friends and family sometimes saying the actual words isn’t really necessary. Sometimes a gesture is enough. When I was at university in England my best friend, who was Polish, and I had a falling out the day before. Over what I don’t recall. But the next day we met for lunch at the same time and place that we went to together every single day throughout the academic year. Neither of us said sorry to the other and neither of us expected the other to do so; we just went back to being normal towards one another and that was sort of a way to say sorry. But some people say that they’ve never mended fences with those relatives with whom they’ve fallen out; sometime not for years. Perhaps it’s harder to apologise to family than it is to friends?

In some relationships, sorry is just a word. I feel that the word sorry has less impact because its meaning has been diminished over the years.

However, there are some instances where apologising is an absolute imperative if you wish to keep your job. For example if you have a falling out with a colleague, and if your boss thinks it’s your fault, you can be absolutely certain that your boss will demand that you say sorry to him even if you don’t mean it. In this kind of situation, you know you won’t mean it, the colleague to whom you’ve been ordered to apologise knows you don’t mean it and your boss certainly knows you won’t mean it. It’s something that has to be said to appease a disgruntled colleague and to keep your job. The word sorry here is totally meaningless and merely a gesture.

Saying sorry can mean weakness, strength, regret and acknowledgement. Some motivation gurus advise never to begin a sentence with the word sorry as it’s a sign of weakness. How sad is that?