Don’t name your child Fish and Chips

In some countries, including in Europe, if you try to register your newborn baby’s name, did you know that it might be rejected? To be fair to the registrars and the new baby, most of the names applied for by parents are not real names and, in the words of Joey Tribbian, some are barely even words.

Reading about this reminded me of how some celebrities have given their children outlandish names just to be different. Imagine naming your child Apple or X. His other child’s name is a formula. Then there’s Malibu Barbie, Beautiful Zeppelin, and North, Saint, Chicago and Psalm. How cruel are the parents? Were they on something at the time they came up with these random words?

Some parents are obviously self-involved. The hippy era of the 70s is gone but the new age names that some parents still manage to come up with continues to amaze registrars. In some countries naming your child after a fruit is banned. For example, in Malaysia Apple and Papaya are out. In America you cannot name your child @. Do you know what happens when you type @ followed by digit or letter in the body of an email? A list of options for you to choose from pops up. That’s how awkward the name @ would be. In Malaysia you can’t name your child Burger King. In Australia, the authorities had to stop parents naming their child LOL citing it would be a joke on official paperwork.

Names are very important. They have an impact on how a child sees himself and on how the world sees the child. If you name your child Rogue, a name rejected by registrars, the world is going to think that the child is out of control and dangerous. Also, when the child is able to understand the meaning of Rogue he might think he is a rogue and act so. He might purposely be badly behaved because he might think that this is what’s expected of him, and his parents approve of it. The registrar in New Zealand, though, was a tad inconsistent. It forbade the name Fish and Chips for a pair of twin boys but allowed Benson and Hedges for another set. Now, if you’re unfamiliar with television adverts from the 70s and early 80s, Benson and Hedges was a brand of cigarettes. Why parents would want this stigma permanently attached to their children is unfathomable.

You see, in many cultures around the world, names are carefully selected to ensure that they have a positive impact on the child, or at the very least, not have a negative one. I think that’s how the Native Americans come up with names for their offspring. Even when translated they have some odd meaning. For example, Dances with Wolves was Kevin Costner’s Indian name translated into English. Take the name Kajal in the Indian subcontinent as an example of a rather odd name for a girl. How positive a name is it really? It’s not really a name. It’s an item used for eye makeup; it literally translates to eyeliner. Yet there are many girls named Kajal. It also has, what some might say, a filmy vibe to it because some Indian actresses have been named Kajal.

When parents come up with odd and often bizarre names for their children, I think that we can assume that they were only thinking of themselves at the time and not of the child and what he or she might endure in years to come. Kids can be cruel. You name your child Ellie and you can be sure kids will add Smelly to it, resulting in Smelly Ellie. Name a child X and he may be labelled an Ex, Y or Z, or worse. His name will become a running joke. Is he a former something? Is he a letter? Is he an algebraic symbol? Or a social media platform? I still don’t know how Musk managed to get away with giving that name to one of his children. And please don’t get me started on his second child. I didn’t mention his name here because who can remember a complicated formula? Or even pronounce it?