When it’s your role to look after someone, do you often feel like you might be a bad daughter, bad son, bad friend or a bad caregiver? Well let me assure you that you are not alone. Constantly trying to be a good child, a good husband, a good wife or a good friend, etc., can be a lot of hard work. But you do your best in any way you can. Unfortunately, however, and without any intent to be so, you may often lose your patience or you become ill yourself. You might become depressed, lose your appetite, or you begin doing odd things that may be very harmful to your health and wellbeing. In essence you are no longer you.

Health experts say that you cannot be a good caregiver if you don’t look after yourself too. If you are taking care of others, or someone in particular, that’s a wonderful thing to do, especially more so if it is a parent or a sibling or another family member. And let it be said that it is not always easy to look after someone who is unwell and is related to you.

Whilst doing so much, often alone and without any, it is inevitable that you might end up neglecting yourself. Some people have been known to forget to eat on time, or at all, because they are busy looking after someone. Some don’t have the time or the energy to bathe because they are exhausted. And it’s not just the big things that caregivers overlook, it’s the smaller things too.

Though they may be small, they make a huge difference to the caregiver’s outlook on life. It could be something as simple as having a chance to sit down with a nice cup of tea and a biscuit. If you carry on like that, resentment is bound to set in and that resentment will become all too apparent to the person you are taking care of. But don’t forget that it’s not their fault that you are not taking care of yourself.

They did not say, don’t have tea, don’t go out, don’t treat yourself to something nice, or don’t do anything other than look after me. No, they didn’t say that. It’s your fault. But even if it’s your own doing, the risk is that the person you’re caring for will pick up on the resentment and feel like it’s their fault that your life only revolves around them.

You may feel like a bad person but, trust me, they feel exactly the same way, like it is they who are the bad parent, bad friend or bad sibling, like a burden to you for being ill. Now I’m sure you don’t want that false perception to get between you because you know they are not a burden and that you are not a bad person. It’s just that you forgot to take care of yourself too.

So, how do you juggle your caregiving with taking care of yourself as well?

Well, first of all, if you think you might need to give up a career that you love because you need to take care of someone then I say don’t, at least not entirely. I suggest you keep your foot in the work arena in some form or another. Try consultancy work where you mainly work from home or do something online but do not give it all up because, at some point down the line, you might resent the caregiving.

If you ever gave up a hobby you absolutely loved, now is the time to pick it up again. But be diligent about it. Set aside a time in the day when you will devote yourself to just that hobby. It’ll give you something to look forward to during the day.

Join a club, if there is one near you. You can go to their meetings in person, if they still hold them, or you can join their zoom events.

Pamper yourself with a long hot shower or soak in the tub with a fist full of Epsom Salt thrown in. Fill the bathroom with the aroma of your favourite essential oils before you hope into the tub.

Meet a good friend for coffee or lunch and a well needed natter about anything and everything that you’ve bottled up. The idea is to let it out.

Go for a walk even if it’s in a shopping mall. Do some window shopping and, if you are able to, treat yourself to something, even if it’s small and inexpensive. It could be a magazine, a phone accessory or a nice cup of coffee.

Have a day out with the person you’re caring for. It’s so important for both of you to get out of what may seem like a caregiver-patient relationship, which is what it seems like at home. Therefore, outside distractions are crucial to your wellbeing.

And, finally, don’t forget, you have a laptop and a smartphone. I rarely say this but sometimes the internet and social media are your friends. Whilst it has its many perils, for people who are shut in, or rarely get the chance to go out, then online groups and forums are their friends. I myself have made quite a few friends online…