Elon Musk, Mark Zuckerberg.
Rupert Hawksley, The Independent
Such a dilemma, isn’t it? You either prostrate yourself at the feet of Mark Zuckerberg, offer up your private information as data, and make the tech giant even more rich and powerful, or you... leave WhatsApp. Hang on a minute – put like that, it’s not really a dilemma at all.
Of course I won’t be leaving WhatsApp. Imagine! Do you have any idea how stressful that would be? It has taken four years of errant emojis, regrettable uses of “lol” (“mum unwell me at golf course lol dad”) and typing… typing… typing, but at last my family has got to grips with WhatsApp. It’s really brought us all closer together (Me: “Morning”... Sister: “Hi there”... Mum: “Hello”... Dad: “hqcnqqxq”).
And now you want me to undo all this hard work, delete the messaging app, and start the whole process again on an app called Signal, promoted by all-round top bloke and man of the people – *checks notes* – Elon Musk? All because Zuckerberg, who owns Facebook, which owns WhatsApp, which probably owns me, wants to know something about my battery level or internet service provider? Come on.
And what about all the other WhatsApp groups, which no one has used for seven months, but which you’re damn chuffed to be a part of? “Saturday session – who’s in?” “Turning 30… HELP!” “5-a-side Kloppham Common (someone bring a ball)”. I suppose you want me to ditch those as well, fling the memories on the digital bonfire, and watch it all burn? And don’t tell me that it can all be easily resurrected on Signal, even if it probably does also have a group chat function. It’s not as easy as that. Each WhatsApp tapestry is its own masterpiece. (Zuck, if you want that line for an ad campaign, you have my number – along with every other detail about my life.) Trying to recreate this on Signal would be foolish. Is it even compatible with Giphy?
For the time being at least, then, all is well. So if you, for example, message a friend on WhatsApp about Armie Hammer, there is currently no reason to believe your Facebook feed will be busy with adverts for steak restaurants the following day. Relax.
But where does it all end? If you’re spooked by the recent WhatsApp developments, then you should, really, delete Facebook and Instagram, which is also owned by Zuckerberg. And who’s to say that Facebook won’t buy the next big messaging app? So on we go, round and round, a game of cat and mouse, where the cat is the size of a sabre-toothed tiger and the mouse is totally addicted to eating cheese off its claws.
You can’t win, basically, unless you rid yourself of all of it (but then again, are you really winning?). Lean into it, I say, and enjoy all the pleasures WhatsApp brings. On which note, anyone around for a few beers on Saturday? Anyone? Guys? Oh God, you’ve all gone to Signal. Right, fine, I’ll download it now.
Mark Zuckerberg always knew. In 2012, when Instagram was 2 years old, with 13 employees and no obvious path to profitability, Zuckerberg knew that the fast-growing photo app was a potential threat to Facebook
With India pressing for traceability of WhatsApp messages to check the spread of fake news, a professor at the Indian Institute of Technology-Madras on Wednesday stressed that the issue can be easily
Two women married to the same man faced trial on charges of exchanging abusive words on WhatsApp in the Ras Al Khaimah Misdemeanour Court.
At a time when people the world over are grounded at home due to the coronavirus pandemic, the dangers of putting on weight could not have been overemphasised. The importance of World Obesity Day, observed on March 4, in this regard
Nearly a decade ago, the United States was touting Myanmar as an American success story. The Obama administration reveled in the restoration of civilian rule in the longtime US pariah as a top foreign policy achievement and a potential model for
The explosive growth of Clubhouse, an audio-based social network buoyed by appearances from tech celebrities like Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg, has drawn scrutiny over how the app will handle problematic content, from hate speech to harassment